i really do need you.

so i really should not be blogging right now, i should be doing yesterdays socials or sleeping. but becasue i have friends who are suffering, who just 'dont know anymore' im gonna blog, becasue this has been on my heart all day!

YOU ARE LOVED. YOU ARE WORTH THE WORLD, TO MORE THEN JUST ONE PERSON. YOU HAVE POWER. YOU HAVE STRENGTH. this world offers more to you then you ever know, but you need to open your eyes. you need to look for it. nothing comes easy, it comes so hard, but it is soo worth it. highschool sucks! it is breaking so many of my friends, i cant let it break me! NEVER! lets stand together and make it a place of praise and prayer a place to love and never give up on people.

"Don't ever think that nobody cares or that nobodyloves you because I can guarantee that there is at least one person that thinks about you every night."

Right now, i really need you to see, that people care. people love you. and if it feels like no one loves you they do! please dont break.

brokenness: a friend who told me to not be exicted for my future cause it is a let down. a friend who can only see what the world has to offer her. a friend who is searching for something that high shcool cant give him and once hes gone he will see it, and see how amaazing life is. a friend who is scraed to see what God has to face him with; and he has a frined who he says he gives it a year before he kills himself. a friend who is having the real world hit her like a brick! a friend who jsut likes a boy, and its killing to know he has moved on, and in her silence she feels pain not joy.

i need you guys to hold on, hold on tighter then ever. we are almost throguh, well get through this togehter.

"What a wonderful thought it is that some of the Best days of our lives haven't happened yet." woahh! this is an amazing thought! to know that my best day so far is going to be one of many, maybee my days to come will blow that one out of the water!

i aint given up just yet, i got to much to lose

i love all of you, and i will never give up on any one, cause i need you all.

Music is a safe place and Pedro is her favorite.

i don't think i wanna admit this one..
at least not yet

this time is different,

the proof is right before my eyes.

at least i think it is.

maybe the proof was always there,

but i just pretended it wasn't.

soo; i have not had time to blog in soo long!

but now i have time too.

-----------------------

so i have been at camp for my summer, and this past week, like 48 hours at one point, God has done some greatt greaat things in my life. he has taught me some great lessons. it is truly mind blowing.

Last summer week 7 on wedseday i started to like a boy; well we kinda liked each other.

And it has taken one year, exactly for these feelings to kinda leave, and the hurt to be gone, and for me not to be upset about it anymore.

I have been waiting a year to talk to him, and finally we talked, it was an intense converstation, and a lot was said. but all that was said i needed to get off my chest, i was completley honest. maybe to honest. but i can't take it back, im learning i cant regret anything i say to anyone anymore, and he listened to it all, and it was amazing. i walked away upset, but woke up the next morning, and my heart said "it is done" my heart was done. It was such a mind blowing thing, and the fact that it was in God's time, God knew it was meant to take one year.

Now that i have got all that off my heart, im able to look at him for who he really is now, and not have those hurt feeelings behind it. I wish i could take back everytime i called him a jerk or a player; because i know he did not mean to hurt me, it was not on purpose. and if i truly thought he was those things i would have never liked him. One day i really hope i can talk to him again, and tell him i take back all those things i said and that i think he is an amaizng guy, with amazing talent, and has the potential to make huge differeneces. But right now is not the time for that becausei dont know if he will want to listen to what im really saying, but we have 3 more weeks of summer, and i think he will be around for a while. so one day, in God's time it will happen :)

And now we dont really talk, but i could not fake our freindship anymore, it was the last thing i wanted. so now we both are on the same page; mostly i think, so when we are meant to talk and build our friendship back it will happen. in God's plan. and im looking forward to what God has in store for the rest of my summer.

So having that converstation was a huge huge thing this week, that i have been waiting for a year to happen, but i relaize that it happened when God knew i was ready for it.

I was able albe to repair a friendship with an amazing girl, which im so happy about, becuase i think i would have missed out on an amazing thing, with an amazing person.

There was also another person that told me he has gained so much respect for me this week, becuase of the way im handleing things, he said im being very mature and responsilbe, and talking to him is so good, because i know he understands were i was coming from and what im trying to do to fix wahtever problems there are.

Right now im feeeling so blessed. Thank you God for your forgiveness.

Love you Lord.

i'm going to be completley honest.. i didnt really want to say it out loud..
or write it truthfully, but i have to.

This summer is going to be amazing, maybe even the best one yet.
Being able to serve God in so many ways with all my heart, which is the best feeling ever.

but im nervous to see you.. you make me feel something i never have before.
and even if i tell myself im over you, when i see you all those feelings come rushing back to me.
and part of me wants to wish something will happen, but deep down i know it wont..
so why am i getting my hopes up..yet again.

but i hope im proven wrong.
i hope God will show me this summer that this is really not the guy for me,
and i will be completley over him.
and you know what, God is good.
so where my feelings should be that is were they will be.

Lord; i know my focus will never stray,
but let this summer be entirley about serving you and coming to know you better.
learning new things and meeting new childern of God
i thank you for this amazing oppurtiuny,
and this amazing summer to come!
Amen

friends.

so over the last couple of days i have come to see how truly amazing my freinds are.

and how lucky i'm to have them in my life.

i think i would be lost with out them!

they give me hope, strength, and laughter in my life.
they make me who i'm.
over this past year i have had so many ups and down, like honestly i look back and it has been crazzy!
i have pretty much had my heart broken on so many levels, by so many people; boys, friends, everything i belived in at times.
but over this year i have come to meet some amazing people, great people, childern of God who serve there whole hearts.

-I meet these girls at camp; man have they changed me life, and been there for me like no one could ever understand, and i dont know how i will ever be able to thank them.

-Matthew; i dont think he could ever understand how much he means to me, he is one of those people who have more then one problem in there life, sometimes he has so much nasters going on; i dont know how i could ever be in his shoes. but you now what he has struggled through it this whole time. He is the one person i know i can always call and count on the pick up and talk to me for hours on end, his strength amazes me. i hope you already knew this, dont ever give up.

-Youth Girls, these girls are the reason i made it this year, they have taught about what is not worth my tears in life, and who should be beside me in 10 years. and they all know how much they mean to me.

-God; wow i have grown so much with him this year, connected on levels i never knew we could. Jesus Christ is the saviour of my soul.

don't ever forget it.

I loved this; right when I saw it.

he must become more, we must become less

I see my life, flash across the sky,

so many times have i been so afraid.

And just when i think i've lost my way,

you gave me strength to carry on.

You walked with me,

footprints in the sand and helped me understand where i'm going.

You walked with me when i was all alone,

with so much unknown, along the way, and i heard you say:

I promise you, i'm always there, when your heart it filled

with sorrow and despair, i'll carry you when you need a friend.

You'll find my footprints in the sand

The Lord will fight for you;
you need only to be still
Exodus 14:14

Y Y Y Y Y