Sunday, January 27, 2008

quotes.. with how im feeling

People get stuck in moments. Hearts break and don't fix easy. Love is nothing easy. It is not cheap. It is the greatest thing that happens on this planet, and so it comes priced as gold. One of my best friends used to sing the words "love is war". There is the fight for holding on. And the fight for letting go. The hardest thing i have ever experienced is the learning which and when. But i still say it's worth it, that love is real and possible. There are things worth fighting for, and love is at the top of the list...
But we are still here, you and me... And so the question is what to do with that. What to do with the news of the day, and this air that still remains in our lungs. i would say these things: You are not alone. Your life matters. Your story is important. You are alive tonight for a reason. You were created to love and to be loved. You were not meant to be alone. You are not alone. You were meant to do life with other people. You need people who know you. You need to know people. Your voice matters.
I believe in God just as much as he does. I mean, not that it's a contest, but we have very different ideas.I don't think you seek out God directly, or else he would just come down and visit us once in awhile. I think he wants us to seek him out through other people, through being in love with the world. He's in the ocean, he's in a bagful of snacks, and the way you end up laughing about them. He's in the laughing. Does that make sense?
i wanted to remember us like we were that summer. i didn't want to ever forget that.-the notebook
Sometimes I wonder if this is all just karma for how i hurt you.
The "I'm Sorrys" dont change a thing
Hearing "Your a good person, theres someone else out there" doesnt change a thing either
your feeelings feel like they have been thrown away and none of it ever meant a thing..
(writen by me)
secret 24; even though we weren't in love, i miss that boy more than anyone will ever understand
Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness, that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous talented, and fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small doesn't serve the world. There's nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We are born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It's not just in some of us, it's in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same.
One day, you will wake up. You will be able to get dressed, eat breakfast, brush your teeth, take a shower, go to school, eat lunch, go to class, and come home. And you'll be able to do all of that without thinking about him.
And it's just like me to overanalyze your every word.thinking that maybe for a second, it meant something.

Saturday, January 26, 2008

uh oh..


okay, well sometimes i make mistakes, we all do.
but yesterday i may have made a big mistakee!
so now my goal is to make money, i guess by getttin a job :
to pay back a friend, because i dont want something that happened to wreck our friendship
and i sure hope it doesn't because i value our friendship, and we were startin to become closer, and i hope this stupid like incidecnt doesnt wreck it all...

My feelings i don't think i can really handle right now, and i know that Mr.Right is out there
but im "searching" in a way for him right now, and so maybe i know him, but if im looking for him it will pressure it, so even if i already know the guy, i need to wait, cause it will work out, it takes time, God please help me to "stop searching" and stop blaming myself and feeling like an idiot for what happened with the guy i recently like\maybe still do like... hope not

Im ready for a new semester, to start my grades again! i hope i get all A's but PE hahaha :)
new start! which is exicting!

so theres ups and downs.. but all in all it could be worse

Wednesday, January 9, 2008

this is not liget!


I just don't know about my mood, and my emontions latley..
there being really lame on me..
one minute im like high on Jesus, and life...
this next im overanalzyaing and worrying about everythingg!
for goodness grasious!
dammn! im hating thiiss! majjorlly!
i loveee beiing happy! it is such an amazing thing in life!
but being upset is soo stupid!
i wish it jsut kinda stoppped, especially about things
some things are not meant to make you upset, but
they are latley, well some of it for a while now.
and i've prayed and it has helped so much.. but i dunno!
urgggh, why can't i understand or i really dont know what
i'm saying anymore.. im kinda ramboling...

Sunday, January 6, 2008

if its meant to be, it will work out :)

ssoo; right now things are goiing pretty good;
i was kinda talking and had thought that God was showing me that i was supposed to go to Cali once i graduate and go to bible college there so i started researching, and theres one i think i like. but anways, i didnt think my parents would be open to the idea, but me and my mom were talkinng about going away once you gradaute, and i didnt bring up my thoughts, but some of my freinds are going away to far off places, and she said she thought that would be a really good experince for a person..gaspp lol.. but i dont think i need to bring it up i still got a couple years
and the other thing is i've always kinda wanted to go to a Christian shcool, try it out, and new people, im kinda done with some of the kids at my school, and want to meet new people, not to say some of the friends ive made this year are amazingg!, but one of my really good ones, is probs going away some where next year:(. but my parents and i were talking about how this girl i knew went to a private school now, and she may have been doing some crappy stuff, thats why her parents sent her there, and my dad jokingly says maybe thats what we should do with you.. and im like what send me to a Christian school? haha i want to go to one. and my dad was like your moms always wanted you to go to a private school... so im like lets do it this coming year..
and the convo kinda stoppped, but i think i could deffs talk my parents intoo it.. i kinda wanted to change schools anways,
but i was like woahh! God is tottaly working all this school stuff out, and my parents are looking at Christians schools and stuff more :)
im kinda exicted!

focus..


why cant i for 60 stupid minutes focus on studying, and school!
its soo stupid, i already screwed up the first bit of this semester, and marks go in in 3 weeks!
i dont have time for this!
i need to learn everything i've donee this year so far in maybe like 1 week!
please God give me the strength to be able to focus, and let this be a lesson, to focus and work from the get go, so im not in this spot next time!
urgghh!

i wish there was someone else to help me, but i guess i got myself into this mess so im the only one who can get me out..
and i need to prove to my parents, myself even that i can get out of this spot, and not screw this up!

Tuesday, January 1, 2008

2008

okay; well
last night i was not too too sure about wanting it to be a New Year.
for a couple reasons: i felt there was something i still needed closure on that i wanted to be able to move on from in the 2008, and i was not sure if i was ready to be the person i wanted me to be, i dunno if that makes sense, but like i knew i could be the person, i just felt like i needed to get a different problem on my back before i could move on, because this year, i want to live entirely for God, and im so stoked, i guess i was saying that i wasnt ready becasue i was scared about what this year is to bring, i was scared that i would screw it up right off the bat.
but then i felt like God was saying, you know what, no matter what you do this year, if its serving me and you have good intensions with it dont you worry! and the thing i felt i needed closure on, its not really bugging me anymore, like its there, but its not like always right there, being in my face stupidness! and that was all God, he wanted me to start this year off on a great foot, and i think so far its going good.
My New Years resulstion for this year i've decided it to "Make a Difference" and i puprosly did not make it specific, becuase God will show me where i need to make the difference, maybe its one big thing maybe its really small, i guess ill have to wait and see.:)
So, all and all, last night i was really having dobuts, but today i feel like im ready to face the world, im ready to live my life this year, im ready to serve God! and im so stoked! :)
I sure love happiness! :)