soo this weeekend was like really great!

i hung outt and got too see a lot of friends!

such a good weekend.

im not so stressted, im not in a like constuffluieknnfsafsa(heheh) and im feeeling preety good!

this is gonna be a good weeek.. cofffe monday, and youth weds, coffeee thursday and youth. play friday, craft fair satruday. prettty liggettt!

my heart kinda hurts..

im hoping if i write it/say it, then it is not admitted..?

or am i just fooling myself. well im gonna live with that thought right now. my bubble can be bursted tommorw.

"I don't mean to close the doorBut for the record, my heart is soreYou blew through me like bullet holesLeft stains on my sheets & stains on my soul"

"Behind that smile are stories you may never understand"

i hate having so many people around me, and really not being sure how many, if any truley understand me. maybe there not meant too..

but people keep letting me down, and watching me fall. sometimes grabbing me right before i give up. i just wish that some things went back to 'how' they 'were' but i guess that was the past and tehre is a reason why its not coming back.. i guess but that hurts! it hurts me. and it makes me wanna run away.. but i have no where to go, bad idea(and i couldn't actually, silly me!)

but a lot of people in the last few months have slowly drifted, and some are coming back :)..finally. cause i really missed them, a lot more than i think they will ever know. but tehre are still a couple floaters, who i miss but could never tell them, they would not understand.

i miss those days, were nothing mattered, my 'future' was not on the line, apperance was not so imporant, the people who were around me were the only things that really mattered.

those days will come back, soon, but i dont know if it will be soon enough. its like a time out, yeahh it is too.

and maybe this is God showing me to slow down! and make it the good old days.

Today is one year since i got baptisted:) soo gooodd! so happpyy, but in a way i feel like i have come so far and so little all at once. This is a reminder i think that i have not been puttting every situation and stress in my life over to God i have been trying to deal on my own, and i think he is showing me that is going to get me no where, but a dead end. and im so glad im seeing this :) so i can come even stronger and care even more about others :) truthfully i think i care more about other people than myself, in some ways. and that makes me happy, like my purpose that God gave me of helping and giving hope and opening my heart to broken things is being played out one day at a time, one talk at a time, one person at a time.

i vented! and i feel kinda baddd! i hate it being aboutt me haha. but i need to do it sometimes to get the stress level down :) haha hopee i start to feel better, im already. thanks God.

my friends :)

so im pretty sure friends make life worth living! like ohh my goodness.

1)one time i was at camp having this hugge mudd fighttt! crazzyness and im like hmm i wonder what it would be like to roll in a bin(like a garge bin)..? like i dunno, so i got in and tried it my freiends roollled me realllyy far.
2)in the kitchen at camp we runn around singing and danccing! and doing no work, it is soo greeatt
3)walking into my room after a long conversation, some cryying and some fighting, i got asked ny questions i just got hugged and told that i was loved no matter what
4)getting off at the wrong bus stop and having to walk like a million miles! hahahha
5)getting on a skytrain to surry like 4 times then finally relaizing that well we were coming back we missed the right one each time! haha soo blondde
6)running across the street at Christmas Banquet, after to crazzy boys.. my daddy always told me to look both ways before i crossed..oopss, no one died dont worry :)
7)dieing my hair black.. then going to camp french braiding it and having everyone laugh cause tehre was a huge blonde patch.
8)throwwing cake every where then going on joshs shorts.. and the greasee stained!
9)driving to timmy hoes in like 2 mintues.. yea thatss right!
10)writing in sharpie across my face... opss.
11)being put into a cardboard person then trying to crackk eggs.. i lostt really really baddly
12)buyying an acutall ring for my nose. and trying to get it in with danielle... ouccch!
13)buyingg hard core earring with juliaa!
14)eatting little ceasers bread for breakfast and dinnner!
15)breaking fingerss! thatss righht! they craccked.
16)findding froggs!
17)prettending we are g! and doing some back streeet boy ness at camp in frontt of everyonee.
18) lettting a boy.. and girl cut my haiirr! do funny, but man i learned my lesson.. for that fact leetting my cut my hair, danielle was supervising i blame her.
19)'skating' on ice in runnerss?
20)finding tampons in the chocolate ile?
21) jumping thee fence to get a picture with the Christmas house
22)peeeing my pants.. more then once!
23) they love you when you feel like no one else does.
24) they steal candy with youu
25)falling in ditches in the darkkk.... it was a huge ditchh! okay it really wasn't
26)liccking windowss.. i tend to do that alott.
27)looots of lock in sleepovers,, oh dearr!
28)puddle jumpinggg, and mud fightss
29) amy teaching me guitar and giving up 5 later cause i got boredd
30)my freinds think my parents are crazzzy...*cough*matthew*cough*
31) going too red robinss and telling the waitress we have 4 mintues... to save the freaking worldd! and having my dad look at us like we are crazzzzy.
32) oil channges?
33)sky trainning to north van! then a freaaaking sea buss no wayy! haha and meeeting a 'random' at metro.. onn a holiday with nothing open
34) dropping the teachers keys in a NNASSTY bucket of juice..reclyecing left overs
35)living at the top of the hill, so haveing to buy McDonalds
36) "tripping off the bus".. haha never happened
37)slippingg when running after friends in front of the guy you likee. great first impression!
38)leaving a pot smelling water bottle in the bread gardenn.. hehe oppss.
39)goingg outt for dinnner and waiting a million years for food! and my friends sticking up for me :)
40)almost losing a hamster.. dropping it on its head.. they would not let me hold it anymore :(
41) dodgeeing from crocket balllss. that were flying towardss us
42) getting in adams car with a hugggeee rip in the crotch of my jeans and he says "if you dont want our friendsip to get really awkard you need to keep this sweater over yourslef.." ahhaha soo funnny!
43)jumping on random canoess and runnning cause people were homee
44) going too timmmys and looking for ppizza at 10 when curfew is 10:30.. to be in bed. then hobos checking us out and looking relaly hard for the boys.. who are no where insiteee. then gettting pizzaa and hurrying back, when a person with there L driving right past the cop shop..
45)going to get pumpking pie at like 11 at nightt.
46)stargazzing
47)mopping.. then walking over it and slipping water.
48)toliet over fulling becasue we poured mop water in to fast.. ops.
49)cleaing boys batthrooms, and singing very loudly so every knew there was a girl but it jsut encouraged them to come in and be tools!
50)messsy mesyy romms! that had rotten hot chocolate
51)powwer rangers!
52) value village hunnttting, for our little jackets ;)
53)peer pressing josh into punching me.. hehe, he didnt do it :)
54)jellybeans anyone?
55) i lovee skinnys and flip flops and our convos about having chubby feet/people who cant wear itt hehe ( i can!)

56)TOYKKO!

57)Mr.Mikes :)

this is ONLY 57.. there are soooo soo many more. but sometimes this reminds me how good i have it and how great life is and my freinds are :)
love you guys!

"when you laugh as much as you breath you know the meaning of life"

what is life;
life has to be more then just like 'living'
there has to be pupose, and i know that purpose comes from God and everything
but in living for God i was to do someting amazing for him.
I want to change the world so people can know about Jesus and how he has changed me life and a lot of people around me.
i want to do something for God that is unreal, unbeliveable and extraordinary!
i don't know what yet tho.
And i love youth, worship is my favorite part of it, i connect with God and feel him on a personal level. But it is very different becasue there are alot of people who were there last year that are no longer there, that i miss like crazzzy! like it is not even understandale how much i miss them! and i feel like God is calling me to change something and make a difference, i dunno. its a really really wired feeling, i dont know what it all means but i will figure it out soon. i hopeee, God will show me soon :)

i thought some pictures were in order.

twloha

"This night made me feel like maybe i can just be myself and be honest in that setting, that maybe i was never meant to look or sound like everyone else... and finally, i think it reminded that i truly enjoy telling stories and seeing people find something in the words."

"Perhaps more than anything, the talk is about the idea that we all live with questions, we can all relate to pain, we all get stuck... and we aren't meant to live alone under the weight (and silence) of our questions. It seems we're meant to share our questions, to invite other people into the broken parts of our life, and to learn to meet our friends in the difficult places in their lives as well."

HOPE

i really do need you.

so i really should not be blogging right now, i should be doing yesterdays socials or sleeping. but becasue i have friends who are suffering, who just 'dont know anymore' im gonna blog, becasue this has been on my heart all day!

YOU ARE LOVED. YOU ARE WORTH THE WORLD, TO MORE THEN JUST ONE PERSON. YOU HAVE POWER. YOU HAVE STRENGTH. this world offers more to you then you ever know, but you need to open your eyes. you need to look for it. nothing comes easy, it comes so hard, but it is soo worth it. highschool sucks! it is breaking so many of my friends, i cant let it break me! NEVER! lets stand together and make it a place of praise and prayer a place to love and never give up on people.

"Don't ever think that nobody cares or that nobodyloves you because I can guarantee that there is at least one person that thinks about you every night."

Right now, i really need you to see, that people care. people love you. and if it feels like no one loves you they do! please dont break.

brokenness: a friend who told me to not be exicted for my future cause it is a let down. a friend who can only see what the world has to offer her. a friend who is searching for something that high shcool cant give him and once hes gone he will see it, and see how amaazing life is. a friend who is scraed to see what God has to face him with; and he has a frined who he says he gives it a year before he kills himself. a friend who is having the real world hit her like a brick! a friend who jsut likes a boy, and its killing to know he has moved on, and in her silence she feels pain not joy.

i need you guys to hold on, hold on tighter then ever. we are almost throguh, well get through this togehter.

"What a wonderful thought it is that some of the Best days of our lives haven't happened yet." woahh! this is an amazing thought! to know that my best day so far is going to be one of many, maybee my days to come will blow that one out of the water!

i aint given up just yet, i got to much to lose

i love all of you, and i will never give up on any one, cause i need you all.

Music is a safe place and Pedro is her favorite.

i don't think i wanna admit this one..
at least not yet

this time is different,

the proof is right before my eyes.

at least i think it is.

maybe the proof was always there,

but i just pretended it wasn't.