we will go here together; i promise you this.

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the little girl in me is screaming too go here!
and i will. i can promise you that much.
and i expect to be going with one of my really great friends,
and hopefully a couple more amazing friends!
because, it looks beautiful, and i have always wanted to go there.
:)

you just have to have faith.
God will always pull you through.

we scream our insecurties and whisper our apologies.

i wish i didn't let these things get too me so much..

i honestly believe i can change this world.

there are so many thoughts running through my head right now. most good; so unfortunate. but im blessed so they can't really be that bad. its been a crazy week. im not sure where too start this post. i have been praying for something for a veryy long time and it has been on my heart like mad, and God answered my paryer; it was stirring in her heart long before i knew and now she is closer and she said that i showed her she needs God and she needs to feel his love to ever feel whole again and too not feel so much hurt again. she's gonna come to church with me soon. i drove to the Morneaus yesterday.. so scary, Lheed Hwy... getting lost in top of the hill! etc.etc. this was volunteer week, and i had a chance to hear Craig Kielburger speak, he is so insipartion and has such a HUGE passsion and he wants to see this generation stand up and step up. Minga=coming together where ever you are for the common good.. we don't do this enough. we don't have a word in english for this.. volunteer? community? but we dont have one word that if we yelled it out our town and friends would come running to help.. but think of how many words we have that mean money$$. language is a represtation of culture. friday i saw 17 again with my girls and it was great. i lov spending time with them; they are so happy and just love being with us and at the door one of the moms said to my mom "my daughter has always wanted an olde sister" oh man! if that doesn't get you not sure what will! ms.danielle had her birthday party yesterday and someone wrote in one of her cards "a very wise girl once told me that 'you're only given this life because your strong enough to live it'" and than she looks and me and said wow, this is crazy cause Britnee shared this with me when i needed to hear it and i shared it with you. i deffs almost started to cry! if you ever have days where you feel unloved just look around and see the people you have in your life, the people that would do anything for you. you are always loved even when you don't think so. you got me and Jesus.

i'm not your angel, darling.

i love more than you'll ever understand.
and thats okay.

we're all very blessed; let's not forget this.

God is sooo gooood!

oh man; so when i was literally at rock bottom, thought there was no hope for today. and was so done! so lost and broken. but i know God is good and like every time he picks me up right before i falll apart entirely. and he is soo good like that, he make me struggle and go through things but he would never let me fall so far that i lose my way.
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"when life gives you a hundred reason to cry; show life that you have a thousand reasons to smile"
1) im glad that no matter; where here for eachother and we are gonna be okay :) and one day i hope that we are a stronger tag team than ever
2) i get my mom's old; faster workiing comp
3) im reading twilight
4) im falling for a fictional character.. hehe
5) youth tonight
6) msy and friend time with kyle tomorrow
7) brightwood and my favorite highway
8) im gonna call you this weekend, and if you want we can talk for hours. i wanna hear all the stoires, cause i have sure missed you.
9) i dyed my hair; and that always make me feel gooodd! and feel perrrdyy!
10) kylie is happpy and almost done with stressful school.
11) matthew is loving broken people, even when everything may be falling apart in this own world.
12) there is sun outside.
13) im eating a sandwhich...
14) Cassandra has a good job that she enjoys.
15) kyle can put a smile on and listen to my stories even when there lame.
16) josh is getting burnt and learning more about himself and God than he could have ever thought
17) sky train scavenger hunt this weekend!
18) Melissa comes home this weekend :)
19) i have math midterm tommorw and im actually feeling quite prepared
20) i get to see my friends in a couple hours
21) i get to worship my saviour with the people i love around me
22)i told my dad what my grades on my report cards gonna be already, no stresss there
23) im nominated to win the best volunteer award thingy in poco; which is sweeet!
24) i get to work at camp this summmer
25)pro- day day friday
26) i love my grade 7 girls! and we are going to see 17 again and a sleepover very soon!
27) the renos in my house are almost done
28) im allowed to have a huge b-day party!
29) so many birthdays are coming up sooon, its great really.
30) no matter what i know God has everything under control.
Thank Lord!

its okay.

i need you so much right now.

you never fail to disappoint me.

your words are piercing.

you don't see how im breaking.

how im falling apart right in front of your face.

thanks for making me stronger
than you even realize.

i miss you more than i'd like to admit.

the thing that matters most is what you think of yourself. everybody is standing in their own way of getting somewhere they wanna be. i always try to do the right thing. and most of the time; something is bound to go wrong. i go left, i should have gone right. i tell you my feeling for you, how real they are. and im always the one waiting. i watch you; you're not happy. i see you and i see right through that smile; i know how you break on the inside. i wished you'd be honest with me. honest with yourself. cause i feel so far from you right now. and i really need you. i need a hug, i need a shoulder to cry on, i need an adventure to go on. i think i just need to be told that someone would be lost without me. that someone would fall apart without my shoulder to cry on. but thats okay. i got God's shoulder to lean on. he is holding me right now, he is holding me as we are walking. i can't help but put a smile on my face when i look outside and see the sunshine and the beautiful creation out my window. i can't help but laugh when i think back to the car rides and moments i've had with you. i just wish i could be with you right now. i just wish you would call and say you need to talk. we said we we're here for eachother and i really need you. and i'm here for you and support you always; this i can promise. no matter how far we, i will always be here for, forever. anything you need. its been a rough couple weeks. im looking forward to the sun, looking forward to getting away from this town. camp is gonna be amazing. God is gonna do some great things this summer. i gotta get away from here for a bit. see the beauty in myself again. remember why i love other people before myself. and your feelings will always be more important than mine. well you're away i will not tell you how much i miss you. i won't tell you that i'm a mess. i won't tell you i need you. cause i'll get through. God won't put me through nothing i cant handle. sometimes people aren't meant to be in your life forever. we all move on and grow up. this is gonna be a huge year. alot is gonna change and happen. i'll be going into grade 12. than i'll be grading and prob getting outta this town for a bit, interning at twloha or NZ. something for a bit. and im so stoked to watch my grade 7 girls grow up into beautiful young ladies of God. and i love that i can talk to them and help them with things that you struggle with in middle school and high school and growing up. they are such a blessing in my life. too help them everyweek and just be there to hug them and hang out. go for slurpees and to the park. watch movies that Zac Efron are in. a lot is gonna change. but everything will work out in Gods time. doors close; so windows can open. now i just need to open my eyes up to those windows and make sure they don't close and i miss them. cause God is good all the time. all the time God is good. i'll praise you in this storm. and all my days.

lets make out.

its a new day;

everything is gonna be okay.

where there is light; there can not be darkness.

i'm in way over my head.

i just don't know what too say anymore.

i just don't know how to hide it.

do you think about me as much as i do you.

do i have a special place in your heart still; or

have i faded into the past slowly but surely.

i know i'll always be your friend,

we'll always have eachother.

but what if im still holding on;

and you've let go.

will i ever know.

it's okay.

i'll be fine, this i can promise you.

but i just miss you.

and i wish you where here.

cause i expect this is gonna be one hard year.

-

but i know God won't put me through anything i can't handle.

i got a lot of people on my side;

i can't never forget this.

i'm strong enough to handle this;

but only through your strengh God.

-

don't let me try and do this on my own.

this is why i have you, and this is why you are in control;

and the saviour of my life.

this is why you gave me community Lord.

i love you Lord.

Give us clean hands,

give us pure hearts.

Let us not lift our souls to another.

if only you knew.

you're falling apart. you're falling away from me. and its breaking my heart. but bigger than that you're falling from God. and this makes me cry and so upset. all i want is for you too depend on me and know that im here for you. and that i love you and never ever will give up on you. please; i just need you to know that.

i want to be your everything.

jealousy is a wasted emotion.each person has
something differentand amazing about them.
find what makes you different and developit to be outstanding

your hip bones make me smile.

you're not allowed to say i told you so;
but you're right,
im a mess.

but i'll never tell you.
you neeed to be out living life like you are.
and im so happy about that.
and this will pass.
at the end of the day i have a smile on,
becuase i know you are coming back one day.

and im stronger than ever, i promise this.
and i can only say this because i have God on my side.
and i always, always will.
God is bigger than me and any storms i may face.

love makes the world go round.

what i remember most is the times that my stomach hurt from laughing so hard. the times i was in tears because i feel to my knees laughing about nonsense. i love laughter. happiness is key. the sun is good. i like it when it comes back again. cause i sure did miss it. the rain has been pretty brutal and quite depressing. i like sitting in a car with way to may people driving around and talking about the DB's that have been stored in the back. talking about all the illegal things we have done today. what we love about life. encouraing eachother and telling eachother the great things god has done for us today. i like being around people who insipre me and push me to be the best person i ever could be. i love my friends. i miss it when people leave. there are so many people i wish i could see right now; that i wish i could go on adventures with and just sit and catch up. so many car rides i wanna be on. but in good time. everything will come together and everything happens with amazing timing; cause its Gods timing. and gods timing is never wrong. he never fails. he is always pre-planning and knows everything that is too come. and i find comfort in that. i find comfort in the fact he has it all planned out cause i would be so lost with out him and his plans for me. i thank God that he has blessed me with great parents and amazing friends. im so stressed right now. sometimes i find myslef falling apart. but its okay cause i have people who are here to pick me up if i fall. things do get hard, its called life. but we aren't meant to do it alone. this is why we have community this is why we have friends. and it amazes me how big of a deal love is. love is really the only thing that matters. love makes the world go round, honestly it does.