lets be five forever and never waste a day again.

This is crazy. When we were little we all had this friends who were imaginary. It was really great, and now we are so pressured to look good, have a million friends and be 'cool'. It kinda makes me sick some times. Like this is something that when were 10 we never think about the fact that one day of friend 'Norbert' will no longer be there... And the amount of people that will stab you in the back in crazy! This makes me feel like we need to show people just how much we care about them and how much we love the people around us. Cause we don't tell people enough.
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I would NEVER NEVER want this thought, or wish it upon anyone. One my last day, when ever that may be I want to say 'I lived a life full of hope and love, I never regret one day that I lived'
This makes me never wanna throw away another day, never sit around and throw it away. I want to get out and live, show people I love them, give hope to the hopeless and just be a postivie person. We waste so many days being negative and regreting choices that we make and asking questions of why God does thing in our life.. we think they are 'to' us, but it is for our good. Everything we do in our life is done for God, by God and through God. Never forget that.
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This 'little girl', I wanna be this little girl forever! I never wanna lose this; the unbroken and full heart, with dreams that could cover the sky! The barriers that we feel we need to put up.. some of them we put on our selves and are just not nessacary. We need to live like we are five years old again, were clothes did not need to match, boys didnt break hearts or matter as much. Where friends didn't stab you in the back, they just poked you with straws; but those are the friends i still look for in life, i can not have fake people around me.

In life is anything is possible you just need to believe in yourself and God. God will never every leave you hanging.

Gods worst plan for you, is better than your best plan for you.

God is good.

love is more important than people know.

I'm soo sooo sick of sitting around wasting time doing nothing! I hate just sitting around and watching TV. it sucks so much! I hate just sitting around, wasting days and time of my life that I can never get back! I HATE IT SO MUCH! it makes me so angrryy! urghh. and sometimes my parents are so easy going and they let me go out and just live! but sometimes they say 'no'!!! and i dont understanddd why!! they say no when i need to go the most. when i need to go out and worship and see people and pray, i cant! like tonight. i neeeded to go to yc before i start shcool again! and i was not allowed. so chokeed! :( but maybe there was a reason i was not going... maybe something was gonna happen if i went.. i dunno. but i hate sitting around not doing anything.
i wanna graduate and go to cali or new zeland, and move on! live life, love my friends will all my heart and never waste another day again. and never throw away something ill never get back!
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URGGGGHH! i hate stressing this! and i was so ready to go back tommmorw, not stressing just breathing and seeing how it all plays out. but now i got nothing to really go off of.. and nothing to just take that i can breathe with.
Lord please help me. just take me through this.


I can handle this. i know i can handle this. i can i can i can.
i love being there for other people and i love being there to listen to other people and hear about their problems and what is going on in their lives and let me pray and care for them. i love it so much! God has called me to do it. he has called me to love people will all my heart. love them more than they will ever be able to see! but sometimes it breaks me down and i just wish people would tell me randomly, when they meant it not cause i guilted them into it! because they feel they need too! that they love me and care about me and that i matter! and i have made a difference in there life. sometimes a simple reminder is all thats needed! sometimes.. i just wanna hear im loved and not cause i said it first or because im upset.. or because im having a bad day. i wanna hear it cause people mean it.
i love hearing that im loved. and i know im loved.. but sometimes actions speak louder than words.. i just wanna hear it sometimes. but no matter what, i will never stop loving my friends. never.
Life keeps going. Its a new day; lets not forget that.
im loved, i know, but reminders dont hurt.

the bucket list

have you had joy in your life?

has your life brought joy to others?

its a new year, a new start.

"There's a story and perhaps there's also a gift. The enormous bold claim of Christmas suggests that God loves us, and that he wants to know us. To say it a different way, it suggests that perhaps we were created to be loved, and created to be known. And the flip-side is that maybe we were made to love and to know as well. It's a wild mysterious story and if it's remotely true, then we're far-less alone and far-more loved than we could ever know. In this life, we get to make a lot of choices. We don't get to choose the things that break or haunt or hurt us, but maybe we get to choose how we respond and what we choose to believe in the face of those things. We get to choose to go alone or to let people in. We choose our response to pain. "

-Christmas blog from twloha.

"The sun rose for all of us today but for me it meant more than most sunrises of my near 24 years. It meant that this year had past and a new one had begun. It meant that the wires were undone and the scars were just scars and yes; that it’s time to move on. In this year I have seen dark places and I have seen some places flooded with light that I never knew existed. I have walked to the door of death and never felt more alive and I have learned something that is inherent whether we chose to live knowing it or not. That we are just pieces of this crazy universe, floating through space like every other piece of this crazy universe. You don’t have to push or pull or fight or win, the struggle is illusory. Sometimes or rather, all times, you just have to be. I am doing my best to be and today it occurs to me that in being I have been very lucky."

-Andrew McMahon --helpgiveshope, happy new year

I think im ready for this year, it should be a good one. Alot of growing up will be done and alot of friends will be made. Lots of hope is made and keep. I will hope to give hope to the hopeless. I want to love like there is not tommorw, tell all my friends just how much they mean to me every chance i get. Live everyday this year to the complete fullest. thank you God for blessing me with a great family, friends and life.

this is totally something i would say.

this is cute.

soo this weeekend was like really great!

i hung outt and got too see a lot of friends!

such a good weekend.

im not so stressted, im not in a like constuffluieknnfsafsa(heheh) and im feeeling preety good!

this is gonna be a good weeek.. cofffe monday, and youth weds, coffeee thursday and youth. play friday, craft fair satruday. prettty liggettt!

my heart kinda hurts..

im hoping if i write it/say it, then it is not admitted..?

or am i just fooling myself. well im gonna live with that thought right now. my bubble can be bursted tommorw.

"I don't mean to close the doorBut for the record, my heart is soreYou blew through me like bullet holesLeft stains on my sheets & stains on my soul"

"Behind that smile are stories you may never understand"

i hate having so many people around me, and really not being sure how many, if any truley understand me. maybe there not meant too..

but people keep letting me down, and watching me fall. sometimes grabbing me right before i give up. i just wish that some things went back to 'how' they 'were' but i guess that was the past and tehre is a reason why its not coming back.. i guess but that hurts! it hurts me. and it makes me wanna run away.. but i have no where to go, bad idea(and i couldn't actually, silly me!)

but a lot of people in the last few months have slowly drifted, and some are coming back :)..finally. cause i really missed them, a lot more than i think they will ever know. but tehre are still a couple floaters, who i miss but could never tell them, they would not understand.

i miss those days, were nothing mattered, my 'future' was not on the line, apperance was not so imporant, the people who were around me were the only things that really mattered.

those days will come back, soon, but i dont know if it will be soon enough. its like a time out, yeahh it is too.

and maybe this is God showing me to slow down! and make it the good old days.

Today is one year since i got baptisted:) soo gooodd! so happpyy, but in a way i feel like i have come so far and so little all at once. This is a reminder i think that i have not been puttting every situation and stress in my life over to God i have been trying to deal on my own, and i think he is showing me that is going to get me no where, but a dead end. and im so glad im seeing this :) so i can come even stronger and care even more about others :) truthfully i think i care more about other people than myself, in some ways. and that makes me happy, like my purpose that God gave me of helping and giving hope and opening my heart to broken things is being played out one day at a time, one talk at a time, one person at a time.

i vented! and i feel kinda baddd! i hate it being aboutt me haha. but i need to do it sometimes to get the stress level down :) haha hopee i start to feel better, im already. thanks God.