this is not liget!

I just don't know about my mood, and my emontions latley..
there being really lame on me..
one minute im like high on Jesus, and life...
this next im overanalzyaing and worrying about everythingg!
for goodness grasious!
dammn! im hating thiiss! majjorlly!
i loveee beiing happy! it is such an amazing thing in life!
but being upset is soo stupid!
i wish it jsut kinda stoppped, especially about things
some things are not meant to make you upset, but
they are latley, well some of it for a while now.
and i've prayed and it has helped so much.. but i dunno!
urgggh, why can't i understand or i really dont know what
i'm saying anymore.. im kinda ramboling...

if its meant to be, it will work out :)

ssoo; right now things are goiing pretty good;
i was kinda talking and had thought that God was showing me that i was supposed to go to Cali once i graduate and go to bible college there so i started researching, and theres one i think i like. but anways, i didnt think my parents would be open to the idea, but me and my mom were talkinng about going away once you gradaute, and i didnt bring up my thoughts, but some of my freinds are going away to far off places, and she said she thought that would be a really good experince for a person..gaspp lol.. but i dont think i need to bring it up i still got a couple years
and the other thing is i've always kinda wanted to go to a Christian shcool, try it out, and new people, im kinda done with some of the kids at my school, and want to meet new people, not to say some of the friends ive made this year are amazingg!, but one of my really good ones, is probs going away some where next year:(. but my parents and i were talking about how this girl i knew went to a private school now, and she may have been doing some crappy stuff, thats why her parents sent her there, and my dad jokingly says maybe thats what we should do with you.. and im like what send me to a Christian school? haha i want to go to one. and my dad was like your moms always wanted you to go to a private school... so im like lets do it this coming year..
and the convo kinda stoppped, but i think i could deffs talk my parents intoo it.. i kinda wanted to change schools anways,
but i was like woahh! God is tottaly working all this school stuff out, and my parents are looking at Christians schools and stuff more :)
im kinda exicted!

focus..

why cant i for 60 stupid minutes focus on studying, and school!
its soo stupid, i already screwed up the first bit of this semester, and marks go in in 3 weeks!
i dont have time for this!
i need to learn everything i've donee this year so far in maybe like 1 week!
please God give me the strength to be able to focus, and let this be a lesson, to focus and work from the get go, so im not in this spot next time!
urgghh!
i wish there was someone else to help me, but i guess i got myself into this mess so im the only one who can get me out..
and i need to prove to my parents, myself even that i can get out of this spot, and not screw this up!

2008

okay; well
last night i was not too too sure about wanting it to be a New Year.
for a couple reasons: i felt there was something i still needed closure on that i wanted to be able to move on from in the 2008, and i was not sure if i was ready to be the person i wanted me to be, i dunno if that makes sense, but like i knew i could be the person, i just felt like i needed to get a different problem on my back before i could move on, because this year, i want to live entirely for God, and im so stoked, i guess i was saying that i wasnt ready becasue i was scared about what this year is to bring, i was scared that i would screw it up right off the bat.
but then i felt like God was saying, you know what, no matter what you do this year, if its serving me and you have good intensions with it dont you worry! and the thing i felt i needed closure on, its not really bugging me anymore, like its there, but its not like always right there, being in my face stupidness! and that was all God, he wanted me to start this year off on a great foot, and i think so far its going good.
My New Years resulstion for this year i've decided it to "Make a Difference" and i puprosly did not make it specific, becuase God will show me where i need to make the difference, maybe its one big thing maybe its really small, i guess ill have to wait and see.:)
So, all and all, last night i was really having dobuts, but today i feel like im ready to face the world, im ready to live my life this year, im ready to serve God! and im so stoked! :)
I sure love happiness! :)

Sometimes the best place for your heart; is your sleeve

Why are people, mostly girls. so vunerable, why do we put our heart on our sleeves?
what good do we think thats good do us?
do we think it will make it easier on us, no it makes it easier on the other person becuase they see your heart, and they can take it in the blink of an eye..
but its like what happens if your heart is still on your sleeve but all you want is for it to not be there... how do you do that?
everytime you get hurt you say, oh ill never fall that fast ever again!
but look what happened this time, you fell even faster, but you just deniened it for so long, but who were you kidding everyone saw that you fell...
what happens when you want to move on and now fall, be unpredicatalbe. do the unexpected..
is this possible to change how fast you fall..
maybe it doesnt matter how fast you fall, because i belive you will know when its the right guy.
and even if you feel like its the right guy, and he leaves let him walk away, and if he is the "one" your paths will cross again dont you worry!
there is someone out there for everyone...


haha so okay, this started as a question of why people fall so fast, when its bad for them and they know it, but i think at the end i may have answered it for myself.. its kinda like asking for advice, casue you know what the answer is but you want to hear someone else say it.. woah;

Urggh!

okay, so this is my first blog;
and it would be sweet to tell you about my slef, but im gonna do that through blogging instead, cause i really need to vent right now!

but i like this boy; and its a really long complicated story with him right now.
we liked eachother in the summer, and then things just started to fall apart, but i made it seem like we still had a relationship cause it hurt less. but now things are hurting me way to much, so i told him how i felt in a letter and i have no idea how he feels or what he thinks, and i dont know how long its gonna take for me to get over him, but right now all i want is fricken closure!
it is soo frustartting, i hate this!
like i go and read all these quotes on-line, and stuff buts they are all telling me how i feel but all different ways, and i just dont know what to do anymore!
part of me feels like i cant do anything anymore, he wants me in his life, he'll find a way to put me there. but then another part tells me to never speak to him again ever! but its like i cant do that, i want him in my life, i want to be his friend. and then my friends tell me his the idiot for letting go, but i feel like im the idiot for holding on from the begging.
its all ridiclous! i just dont know where things went wrong! and i dont want to bad mouth him, cause i know hes a good guy, im just hurt so i feel like hes not a good guy. but he meant alot to me, and the only thing i think can take away my hurt is God...
im sure i will have different thoughts to blog, and vent about later! don't you worry!
Peace Out Girl Scout!